|In the Zone
||[Sep. 21st, 2005|05:44 pm]
I stopped over at Holly's last night. I wanted to see if anyone was up for some sparring. I've been feeling the strong urge to do that recently... like... I need to do it in order to prepare for whatever lies ahead. As Lacy mentioned, everything this fall seems more amplified, more real. I know the "weirdness" usually does this in the fall, as mentioned before, but again it just seems... different... this year.
Actually, I should start this before I went to see about sparring.
Most of the people reading this probably understand what I mean when I say I was "zoning". Most of you have experienced it first hand on one level or another. It started around 9th period yesterday. I could feel it. That relaxing peacefulness that begs me to embrace it and to see the prophecies. Frankly, I fought it. I was at work. Going all zoney and spouting prophecy in the middle of my Pre-algebra class was not what I had in mind. It was bad. It was pressing so hard on my vision that while I was going over homework with the class, I started reading the answers as the number of the question and couldn't find my place on the paper. The kids asked me if I was ok, and I told them that it was the end of the day and my eyes were just tired.
So, later on I went over to Holly's to see if anyone wanted to spar. Most of the house was out at a meeting for the ghost walk, so I decided to stop over at the Lane Center and see if anyone felt up for it. Well, after the meeting Holly was tired and Kai had to get things from his studio and it was almost 8:30 so I decided not to bother. As we started out from Kai's studio in Tawes, I felt it again. I held myself between the zone and reality until we got back to the house. I wasn't sure if I could have walked back if I had fully zoned out. Tim noticed this as I was walking back. He kept asking if I was ok, and I kept telling him that I was. When we arrived at the house, I flopped down on the couch and released myself to the zone.
I saw crashing waves and something silver sticking up from among them. Then there was a flash of silver, like someone striking at me with a blade, and I was out it. Tim was staring at me when I "awoke". He had been there through the whole thing. He said he had thought about touching me to snap me out of it, but then thought better of it as it might trigger a defensive reaction on my part. I told him what I saw. He seemed to take it all in stride.
What it means? I don't know. I'm sure I'll find out though. Seems like our clan is gathering force before the breaking of the storm to me.
I'll leave you with this:
"Yes. I am afraid. And I will ALWAYS be afraid. But courage isn't acting without fear. It is acting in spite of it."